There’s a difference, I’m learning, between selfish flirting and (for lack of a better term, I’ll call) giving flirting. This is something I’ve been thinking about and trying to notice for at least a couple of weeks now. I first started to think about it when I noticed that some women I flirt with, even though it’s exciting, leaves me feeling nervous. Powerless, basically. But other women, when I flirt with them, it’s fun and sets a mood but is generally a positive experience. What is the difference between the two types of flirting?

After paying close attention, I decided that you can flirt to draw attention to yourself, or you can flirt to give attention to the other person. And, actually, you can mix the two in one encounter (which is probably more common). But, overall, the tendency to flirt to draw attention to yourself leads to the feeling I was describing above, where the other person leaves the encounter feeling bad, or put-down, or… powerless, weak. That’s not a good feeling. Obviously.

And, actually, in the times I’ve noticed the more positive feeling, it was only a word or a phrase, out of the entire encounter, that caught my attention and made me realize that the other person was being a giving person.

I’ve been trying to find, or make up, specific examples and it’s difficult, because a lot of it is body language and tone. I wanted to make a note of it in my blog, though, to bookmark the idea for myself. Expect more posts on this subject as I work through this idea and incorporate it into my life. It’s something I want to do more of, and something I will be looking for in women.