Years ago, I was dating a girl who was a hard-core runner, in training for the Hood to Coast Relay. We’re at the gym and she’s intense and focused on her workout, and I’m just goofing off. I give her some space to work out while I wander from machine to machine. Then I see my best friend and his wife come in. I didn’t realize they used the same gym as my girlfriend. They didn’t see or notice me off in the corner.
My best friend, Ken, hadn’t met my girlfriend, Deb, yet. As I’m watching them, he and his wife get on a pair of treadmills… and Ken is on the treadmill right behind Deb.
Deb was many things, but damn, she looked great from behind. I loved her ass. It was literally the first thing I ever noticed about her. And Ken shares this love of booty. And his wife puts up with his ogling and isn’t the jealous type. She knows he’ll never act on it, he just likes to look. So now he’s checking out the butt on my girlfriend. He’s being subtle, but he’s my friend. I know him.
So I walk up to him, wave, and shush him so he won’t say anything out loud. Then I walk up to Deb and start to ask her how her workout is going. She’s a bit mad that I’m talking to her and says something like, “What are you doing? I’m in the zone!”
I laugh it off and just tell her I’m having a good time… then I pretend to notice Ken. “Hey, buddy. What are you lookin’ at?”
Ken catches on and shouts, “Hey, it’s a free country, man. What are you, her father?”
“You’re checking out my girlfriend?” I’m raising my voice. I’m a quiet person normally so this seems out of character for everyone, including me. Inside I am trying very hard not to laugh.
“Maybe I am. Whaddaya gonna do about it?”
Ken’s wife and Deb are both incredulous and shocked into silence, each of them looking at us in disbelief. Deb keeps running but now she’s trying to look behind at the guy that’s checking her out and challenging her boyfriend.
I stride back towards Ken. Ken stops his treadmill and gets off and poses there, chest out. I’m glaring at him.
And we both start laughing so hard. We couldn’t keep it going. I introduce Deb to Ken and his wife. Deb slows down long enough to say hi and goes back to her workout.
Oh, man, she was pissed at me for breaking her workout. She didn’t really “get” my sense of humor, I don’t think. But, damn, that circumstance required me to take advantage of it. So funny. To me.